The government functioned, apparently.
Its been awhile! My apologies! I lost the inspiration, the motivation, any -ation you can think of.
Tonight, I wanted to leave a few thoughts with you, and then I'll post pictures this weekend. Or Monday.
***
As I have been married to Tyler, I've noticed a few things that have changed within me. First, I am much calmer. I don't react, but rather act now. (Well, not 100% of the time, but almost always.) Secondly, I am braver. I think and act on things that may have scared me in the past. These two changes within my character have led me down paths that I am enjoying immensely.
For instance: while working at my previous place of employment, I could sense change in the periphery of my life. I knew it was coming, but not how or when. Only that I was being shoved to the end of the line and would have to make a break for it sooner rather than later. Miracles do happen (like me blogging, for instance), and I have a position now at another company that was custom fit just for me. The work is enjoyable; the people are different, challenging, and encouraging.
Also, I am learning the balance of life. I am learning when to say 'no,' and in doing so, I place my family as the first thing on my priority list.
The most important thing I have learned is a key principle of patience. If there is anything that I could leave with anyone after reading this, it would be the following:
I recently read the book, "Bringing Up Bebe." I scoured the pages in less than a day, and read it with enthusiasm and delight. I panicked at the thought of not raising my child in France, where, apparently, people aren't fat, they have great public childcare where they eat meals in courses, take overnight trips in kindergarten to explore nature without their parents, and enjoy lavish trips (or holidays) to the French countryside. After I calmed myself down and resigned myself to live in America (where of course everything is rotten and we are all spoiled brats who eat way to much processed food and where moms are condemned for working *gasp*), I found pearls of wisdom that have changed me.
"The French teach patience with patience."
This sentence changed me.
One Sunday after reading that phrase, Ethan and I were sitting in sacrament meeting together in the pew. He had made it successfully through the 3 hour block just a week or two prior and as we sat there together, I could not help but hope for the same outcome that day. Tyler sits at the sacrament table with the priests in the ward (he's in YM), so Ethan and I read books until daddy comes to join us.
This particular Sunday, nothing could go quite our way. Ethan was not as content as I would have liked, and it only took the smallest thing for my patience to snap.
After a difficult meeting where only one adult was in the chapel at a time (we took turns caring for Ethan in the hallway - he likes to run at this age!), I decided to venture home.
When Tyler got home a few hours later, I mentioned to him that I knew what had made my Sunday turn upside down.
I was focused on myself and my shortcomings in the meeting.
Consumed by the fact that my hair didn't look quite right.
My clothes were old (like, high school old, haha),
and I felt out of place.
I had no patience with myself.
Therefore, I could have no patience with Ethan.
Often,
we find ourselves upset with others.
This is commonly the result of not loving ourselves enough.
As I have tried to raise my child,
I find myself becoming much calmer.
Odd.
I am trying to store this for the future when I know I will not be as composed.
Don't try and warn me.
I'm 15 years older than my youngest brother.
I know its coming ;)
And though this may sound incredibly altruistic,
its changed my life,
this way of thinking.
Overall,
my life has had an incredible amount of ups and downs.
And while they still buck me about,
I find myself riding the bull a little longer,
holding on, not letting go.
I am braver.
I am calmer.
I am more patient.
In turn, I am more faithful.
I cannot wait for General Conference this weekend.
Its going to fill my cup,
and I hope to fill the cup of others in turn.
*
[I'm the new Gospel Doctrine teacher in the ward! Whoop!!!!]
Favorite calling ever.
Have a fab Friday.
Be patient with yourself.
You deserve it.