Tuesday, September 21, 2010

chicken little

Have you ever felt like Chicken Little? I mean, honestly. Sometimes, the sky is falling and it falls in pieces, and in chunks, and bonks you on the head.

A week or so ago, the pieces began to fall. Ever so slightly. As the gravity of those pieces accumulated upon my shoulders, I began to feel weighed down as they got bigger and bigger - to the point that I thought I could hold them up no more.

So, I did what any reasonable, 24 year old girl would do. I woke up at 8am one morning, cried, cried, and cried some more, and eventually exhausted myself until I cried myself back to sleep (thankfully) from 10-noon. Why did I cry, you ask? Let me tell you a story.

I have a firm belief that no one, in their right mind, wakes up at the beginning of a beautiful day and says to themselves, "Self, my goal today is to make everyone miserable." [Maybe the adversary does, but technically, I don't think he actually wakes up.] Instead, I think people wake up with struggles, burdens, imperfections - these dot their conversations, interactions, etc. Lets say that I have infallible hope in people. Well, sometimes I have to wonder whether that hope is at times misplaced.

When women gather together, they tend to make themselves feel important by sharing 'facts' or information they think they know. Danger herein lies. And, for the record, even if sharing that information seems harmless, it really isn't. It hurts. Especially when it is ungrounded, wrong, misconstrued, and meaningless. Once again, I don't think most people start out wanting to hurt someone else - I think they want to feel important and want others to think that they are "in-the-know."

I've been working on what to do. I found myself mentioned in such a conversation. The information was shamelessly false, funny, and wasn't really bad - but because it came from people I had fasted for, served, and prayed for over the span of months, I felt betrayed. Not that they meant to harm me in any way, but oh. My heart trembled. What to do. Do you simply walk away and stop being friends? I don't really want to do that. Do you confront them? I probably wouldn't have been able to. Do you cry? Yep. Do you pray about this situation for a week and a half? Duh. Do you read 3 books that make a difference? Yes.

1. The Anatomy of Peace.  I'll probably read this book every single month for the rest of my life. It helped me to view people as people (read it and you'll get it too). This helps when trying to forgive and not be so hurt.

2. The Holy Secret. I'm going to re-read this in companionship with #3, and jot down all of the notes I can. I gained a lot of insight about the importance of the Prodigal Son, the Temple, etc.

3. My scriptures. Alma 7 has been powerful as of late. (Matt 5:23-24 x Mosiah 4:13 - cross reference those, too.)

Overall, I'm still healing. I promised myself a few things in the process. And I've discovered a few things too. I just want to share one.

I have a firm belief that in turning over our resentment, our humiliation, and our pain/suffering to the Savior, we can become more like Him. Think of it as a trade - He's already taken them anyway; why not let Him?

We place our imperfections upon Him, and in turn, He gives us the grace to overcome all.

I'm giving this a try.

Experiences, suggestions, advice - all are welcome. If you don't want to leave a 'public' comment, feel free to email me at lilbebedoll19@gmail.com.

Cheers :)


Ashley Webb said...

Dear Krista,
A couple thoughts:
#1: You are amazing. I am seriously inspired by you. If I was in your situation I would: kick, scream, throw some eggs at someone, swear vengeance on their entire family, and then cry. You're doing the right thing.
#2: I love the new blog look! Tell me how.
#3: I love all those books too. Reading 2 of the 3 right now, and just finished the other one.
#4: Everything will be okay in the end. If it is not, then it is not the end.
#5: We should live by each other. That is all.

Jordan and Crystal said...

we just had stake conference this last week. The stake president talked all about being offended and forgiveness. I can't give you a whole lot of detail...I was trying to keep Daniel quiet (almost impossible :)) But talked a lot about the atonement and alot about what you have written. Sometimes girls are just lame.....I probably would have confronted just so they knew it hurt...You right I dont think people mean to hurt others...but most of the time I just dont think people think before they speak...you know...Anyway, sending love your way.

Leighanne Johnson said...

Love this post! Did I tell you that I bought the Anatomy of Peace? I just got it after you told me how good it was. I will let you know when I read it, I'm really excited to! Thanks for being a great person! love you!

mb said...

hey, no words of wisdom - just want you to know you are not alone. I feel similarly as well often, I am also guilty of it often.

Katy said...

it really chaps my ass when i know that someone has hurt your feelings... of all the people in the world, you are one of the MOST kind and sweet ones out there. really, i'm as mad as a wet hen right now.

please know this... i'm giving you one freakishly huge cyber hug right now as i type this. it's such a huge hug that your eyes start to bug out of your face and your spleen melts right into your, um... appendix? (anatomy and i... never got together!)

anyways... i love you girl.

keep trucking on.

Alan and Kiersten said...

oh girl, i think i needed this post! i totally hear ya! you're an amazing woman and friend!